Unconscious Expression

I've been having some eye problems this month. I noticed that horizontal lines were distorted in my right eye and went to the doctor. They ruled out glaucoma, cataracts, and diabetes-related complications, and it turns out I have central serous retinopathy, which basically is a blister in the retina. You know that Windows screensaver where this distorting blob roams around the screen and bends the image? That's what it looks like in my eye.

Apparently it affects men from 20 to 50, and typically goes away in a few months. They don't really know what causes it, but chronic stress and steroids are believed to be factors. I don't do steroids so it must be the stress. Which is odd because I don't feel particularly stressed --- in fact, I feel really good about the way things are going right now. But I am keeping a pretty hellacious schedule, what with me, James, the kittens, rugby, and improv. So it's possible my body (and my unconscious) is expressing a reaction to stress in ways that my conscious mind is not aware of.

This reminds me of junior high. For a few years there, while my parents were arguing up storms in the house, I started getting bald spots on the back of my head. Perfectly hairless areas, they were actually pretty interesting, and they went away after a while. I think if you had asked me directly back then I wouldn't have thought I was stressed, but clearly I was.

I'm reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell right now, and one of the main points is that the conscious mind is pretty bad about articulating what the unconscious is doing. And the unconscious mind has its ways of sending signals and expressing itself.

A freaking blister in the eye is not a bad signal.

Posted by chris at April 15, 2005 12:21 PM